This subject ring’s a chord with everyone. It instantly brings our attention to the universal phenomena of love and then a strong desire to express love which is through physical contact, intimacy better known as sex. But why have both these aspects become a taboo today. They are so because it is a rare combination to find. Love was actually never a taboo until very recently. Love has become impossible to find and even more difficult to keep. Love alienates us. We seek love though the medium of sex. We try to fill the void of our life by thoughtless sex which gives us quick thrills and an adrenaline high. But then comes the long drawn emptiness, which can be filled in only by love and through an honest companionship. To get love, one must give love and so it is for sex. But why is it easy for us to give sex but not our hearts, thus making Love a taboo. Why Is it so easy to have no string attached kind of arrangement and not an emotionally invested relationship? Today’s generation battles with this grappling question of how life is boring without sex but they fail to understand that how life is empty and meaningless without love. We can teach this only when we live it in our lives. Love comes first and much later comes sex. Love is universal, sex is preferential. Love is eternal, sex is only limited to the physical. Love encompasses feelings, bond, trust, care and intimacy. Love is before everything else. When you give love, only then can you expect love!

So are the two intertwined or is love more important than sex or does sexual compatibility super cede the element of love?

Love obviously comes before everything else but this concept is hard to accept. It is easier to take than to give. And giving dosent come so easily to us. So let’s approach this concept of love and sex from the angle that the two are intertwined but not independent of each other. Sex is an expression of your feelings. These feelings need not always be driven by the emotion of love. Sex can be the result of a playful experience, a thrill, a need or an instant gratification. Sex is impervious of love but love isn’t. Because when you are in love, intimacy is part of it. Sex naturally becomes the strongest medium to express this intimate bond between the two companions. A loveless sex is meaningless because it isn’t lasting. But the act of sex with love in heart is the most powerful way to connect with your beloved. There is no better way to express affection, respect and love for your partner than expressing it through meaningful sex. Sex in such cases is not purely a physical act because it then moves to the soul level, where two souls meet and become one with the universe. Sex then becomes love and love is therefore intimacy expressed through sex. They are therefore intertwined but not independent of each other. Where there is love, there will be a mature act of intimacy. But sometimes in life we hit a wall, where there is marriage or a relationship without sex. Some relationships claim to be based on the foundations of love without the intimate act of sex.  This aspect worries me because sex is an expression of love, care and respect then why alienate yourself from it and exclude your partner from it. But this happens and it so happens because relationships become loveless. When one of the two fails to understand the other, intimacy is the first thing to go out of the window. With intimacy gone, what remains is not love, but only comfort and security. Many in my career come to me with these kinds of life situations where they have to deal with the realities of life. Sex is not a thrill anymore, sex is not even a need, but sex becomes is an act of love and without love, there cant be sex. There can only be a physical act of sex, but no soulful intimate sex. To share meaningful intimacy there has to be a strong bond of love. These are two are so interdependent aspects of life.

It is therefore important in our present day, to ascertain that a good balance is kept between the two. Communication is the key to all problems. No problem can be resolved without being spoken about or if gone unheard. Talk, share and open up about your greatest fears and deepest desires. Don’t shy away from your apprehensions and don’t succumb to the changing dynamics of life. Let yourself be heard and hear the other. Be brave and fall in love! Sometimes fall in love all over again with the same person. Only then can sex become an act of love else it shall only be an activity. If you were to ask me the definition of sex, then I would say it is “love in action” and if you asked what was the definition of love- then I would say “ “expression of your feelings through intimacy.” Love and sex go hand in hand but to make this happen you have to give your hand to someone whom you can trust. Finding love is possible only when you are willing to stay invested in a person and vice versa. Sex then shall come naturally.

Karmel Nair is a Certified Life Coach, Psychotherapist and a global Author. She coaches people to get better in their life and achieve their fullest potential. Please do get intouch with her for queries on coach@karmelnair .com or subscribe to such interesting reads by pressing the button below.

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